If I received an email with that in the subject header I would hit delete with no hesitation, convinced that somebody was trying to sell me some of those dodgy miracle-pills that make you lose weight fast and probably kill you in the process!
Yet it is absolutely possible to lose weight, in a gentle way, without dieting, and feeling easy (at ease) in the process. I wouldn’t have believed that myself a few years ago. I would have said: “OK, so where’s the catch?” There isn’t one. It is absolutely possible. How do I know? Because I did it. It takes discipline, a committment to yourself, and time. Thinking very long term, doing it slowly, and taking it easy are key elements.
Why not just relax?
Why does it have to be fast? Think about it. What’s the hurry? You have got the rest of your life so why not just relax? It took a long time to get overweight and it will take a long time to lose it. I calculated that I had 8 stone (112 pounds) to lose and that even if I could lose a stone (14 pounds) a year that would take me 8 years. Actually, it took 6 years. But at the time of my calculation I felt totally depressed, went for a chinese meal, and ate a ton of ice-cream. It felt too much. Too difficult. I felt overwhelmed. My weight at that time was over 20 stone (280 pounds) and rising. I wasn’t just overweight I was clinically obese. Obesity was on my health record, as a diagnosis. It got to the point where I wouldn’t go and see the doctor even if I was sick, because somehow or other weight would always be the issue. I felt judged. I felt ashamed AND I knew what to do. I knew about diets. I had a background in healthcare, I knew all about healthy eating, and knew exactly what I ’should’ be eating. “yeah, yeah, fresh fruits and vegetables, I KNOW” But I wanted to eat chinese food, ice-cream, drink Guinness, and eat steak and chips, mmmmm!
I often pondered the question why we don’t do what we know is good for us. Even though I had health challenges, which the weight wasn’t helping. I knew what to do. Yet I wasn’t doing it. Then in 2001 I hired a coach. I didn’t hire a coach to lose weight, I would never have hired a ‘weight loss’ coach because I didn’t want to be put on a diet. I knew I could do it myself if I was going to and anyway, I was going to carry on eating and drinking what I liked thank you very much! But I was doing coach training and wanted to begin working on my personal development (PD) so I hired a coach.
How on earth does personal development lead to losing weight? The coach I hired was Anya Sophia Mann and she introduced me to the Conscious Journey. So what does that mean? Well curiously enough , at that time, my life was very ’split’, compartmentalised. I’d always kept work and home life seperate, most of us do, but I didn’t really realise how much. For example I thought I could do coach training, and personal development, and in my mind that was associated with ’stuff to do with work’, not ’stuff to do with ME’! Yet there really is no separation. One of the first things Anya introduced me to was the practice of self-observation. A vital practice in personal development. I laugh now when I look back because I thought I was pretty self-aware. Boy, did I have alot to learn.
Conscious eating
Continual self-observation was the main tool that lead to deeper awareness. This entailed noticing ‘who I was being’ in every area of my life. I eventually had to confront my gremlins and realise how, by compartmentalising my life as I did, I was successfully locking away the uncomfortable parts that I didn’t want to look at. I had so many aspects of my life all neatly packed away in seperate boxes, yet I believed in ‘holistic’ health. I truly believed we were all part of one big whole, that the earth is like a hologram, and everything affects everything else. I believed it, but I wasn’t living it. Self-observation brought me to the place of deeper awareness of my whole life. No stone was left unturned, which eventually led me to conscious eating.
I ate fast. I ate like a racehorse. No, actually racehorses ate slower than me. Food disappeared off my plate as soon as it was put in front of me. I couldn’t get it down fast enough. So the first thing was to slow down and be aware of everything while I was eating. What was I thinking, feeling, tasting, experiencing? There were no other rules. Anya first invited me to eat slowly and I didn’t want to. I said I won’t enjoy it, I like eating fast. So she said well eat fast then, but with awareness. Bringing awareness to eating and drinking was the key. Eventually I did slow down, paying attention and listening to my body. I realised that often my body didn’t want half the stuff I thought I wanted. I was letting my ‘mind’ and habit, decide what to eat. I would think of ice-cream and think I wanted it because I had thought of it, or craved it. When it was in my hand, if I really listened, sometimes my body didn’t want it.
Learning to feel full
Learning to feel when I was full was a huge breakthrough. This took some time. I used to envy people who knew when they’d had enough and would just stop eating. I’d think ‘how do you do that?’ while I continued shovelling the food down until my plate was clear. This is where the holistic piece matters. Everything affects everything else. Learning to feel was a pre-requisite for learning to feel when I was full. So the inner work I was doing on my emotions and feelings, was now being applied to the area of food. And the close relationship between food and emotions. Before I could feel full, I had to be able to feel.
I was unaware of how dependent I’d become on food and alcohol to manage stress in my life. This seems so obvious now, I can’t imagine how I was so unaware. But this is how clever we are at compartmentalising aspects of ourselves that we don’t want to, or can’t, face. The Conscious Journey work with Anya allowed me to very gently, and slowly, begin acknowledging and accepting all the aspects of myself that I had ‘locked out’ of my awareness. Bringing awareness to everything.
Self-observation is not easy. As soon as we begin, we might see all the things we’d rather not see in ourselves: our fears, judgements, and predjudices. All the things that make us human. All the things that make us like everybody else. But eventually, exquisite self-observation brings us ‘home’ to ourselves (as Anya would say). Once we have accepted all the aspects of ourselves that we have locked out, we become whole. We can lose our other crutches and coping mechanisms, and rely on ourselves, our powers of acceptance, self-forgiveness, self-observation, and deeper awareness.
We can lose weight, with ease, by simply being consious. With awareness we might eat slower, or less, who knows? But in our awareness something changes.
Don’t even think about it!
I don’t even know what I weigh. I know my clothes went from size 32 to size 18. I’m now wearing jeans again! Anya invited me to not have weight be ‘an issue’. This meant not obsessing over it. Now what happens if you ‘go on a diet’? Yes. All your time and attention is suddenly taken up by thinking about food in a way that you never did before and, more importantly, on all those things you ’shouldn’t’ have. If I say to you ‘don’t have ice-cream’, suddenly you’re thinking about ice-cream. I just put the idea in your head.
So I didn’t weigh myself, and I focused my attention on other things like awareness and self-acceptance. I spent my time focusing on what I did want, not on what I didn’t want. Eventually I started to feel better about being me, continued eating what I liked, enjoyed my food and I lost a heck of alot of weight. Almost, it feels, without trying. (Well it was without focusing on it). But it wasn’t fast. My weight came down gradually over the period from 2001 to 2008. (Although I’ve been wearning jeans since 2006!)
There is a little more to it than just not weighing myself, and conscious eating, but that was a major turning point. Once my awareness developed the other pieces fell into place. I understood myself and my relationship with food more deeply. Also, having the support of a coach was invaluable. Even though I’d like to take the credit, I don’t know if I would have trusted the process, and stuck it out, without someone there to support me. Anya’s support was priceless.
This is such a relaxed, easy way to be with this. I wish every obese person knew how much better you can feel, and how ‘easy’ it can be. This is a gift for life. And you need never diet again. If you know someone who is suffering on account of their weight please pass this along to them. If this is you, then email me and connect. You really can feel so much better about your life.
Enjoy your self, your life, and your food!
Warmly, Ruth
Ruth Hadikin is a Personal Development Coach based in Scotland, UK.
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In October 2008 Ruth Hadikin is teaming up with qualified nutritionist and author Sara Kirkham to offer an exclusive weight loss programme at the Riverdale Centre Inverness. Call 01463 250589 for information and/or to register. All the information and support you need in one place.
