I’ve just read an article by Robert G. Allen from the Enlightened Wealth Institute called “It’s time to Pursue Your Passions” You can read the full article here.
It’s a very clear reminder of what many of us, especially coaches, hear almost every day. That people get distracted making money to free themselves up to do what they love, whereas if you begin with doing what you love, the money will flow from that. There is also a very useful table outlining the distinctions between goals and intentions. (Intentions are what we want to have if we are to manifest wealth, rather than goals which could distract us.) It’s worth clicking on the above link just to grab this table for future reference.
So I felt moved to pick up where this article leaves off. It concludes by saying:
“Rather than looking for happiness in some future goal of financial freedom (like almost all Americans), you want to find something that fulfills you every step of the way.”
I agree and I also feel that most of us don’t even know where to begin looking. Or we know what we love, but it seems so unrelated to any known source of income that the two concepts seem poles apart, and we get jobs to pay the rent to keep a roof over our head while we continue doing what we love.
Personally, I love sitting in the sunshine. But I couldn’t see how that would make me rich. Neither could my Dad when he would yell.. have you got a job yet? My stomach would contract. I didn’t want a job. I knew I didn’t! But the whole world seemed conspired against me at that time. I’d better get a job and make some money or else I was lazy. Why can’t I just BE? I would sit in the garden and dream of being a writer.. or maybe a painter.
So I got a job. Reluctantly! After a few false starts I entered nurse training. It seemed as good as anything else. Then midwifery which, I discovered, I actually did love. But I always felt like I was ‘wrong’ somehow. That everyone else had a purpose. A ‘goal’. A strong sense of direction. They knew what they wanted. But whenever I thought about what I wanted to do… the answer always came: Nothing, in particular. I don’t care. I would say to people ‘I don’t care what I’m doing as long as I’m enjoying who I’m with’. I met such wonderful people on my journey and have enjoyed being with them.
But you won’t find many job descriptions with “Must Enjoy BEING” written in the person specification. But it should be! This is the number one essential quality for a people-person. A coach, nurse, midwife, counsellor, psychologist, physician, sales professional, telesales etc. Carl Rogers the American psychotherapist wrote extensively about being. I think even now people don’t really know the depth of what he was imparting to us. What a powerful impact the quality of ones’ presence can have in any situation. An ability to enjoy being fully right here, right now.
If I have one regret in life it is only that I didn’t recognise this quality in myself long ago. I knew I could never quite get with the ‘doing’, and felt bad because this is labelled as ‘idle’ or ‘lazy’. If this sounds like you I invite you to fully embrace it! Interestingly, when teaching ‘health and social care’ to 17 year olds I would ask what they love to do.. they seemed almost perplexed by the question and would just shrug and say ‘nothin’ – just hanging out with me mates!’. How perfect for future healthcare professionals and social workers. They, like me, enjoy being with people, yet they also (like me) couldn’t articulate this in a way that made it sound like a positive quality.
The Art of Idling
Develop the Art of Idling to the n’th degree! Now I don’t mean hanging out on the couch with a six-pack and a bowl of popcorn although I must admit I’ve done enough of that in my time too.. nothing wrong with it in moderation. Now indulging what you love is one thing but when you reach 260 lbs (20 stone) you know you’ve gone off the rails a bit!! This only leads to depression and a feeling of being more dead than alive. However, there are dangers on this path. I could have died from over-indulgence if I hadn’t hired my coach, Anya Sophia (Founder of Conscious Journey) at a crucial moment, to support me, offer guidance and most importantly teach me the importance of doing it WITH AWARENESS. She emphasises awareness is key. In Zen there is a term ‘Zazen’ which means just sitting. But it is not sitting watching TV (which is a distraction). Zazen is sitting in the NOW. Fully alert. Present to what is.
If we are fully present in the moment, it will lead us to our truth. If we fully immerse ourselves in what we love it will lead us to happiness. It will teach us what true happiness really is. Fully immersing myself in what I thought I wanted to do (nothing!) made me very unhappy. I realised hanging out on the couch with the beer and chips wasn’t hitting the mark. And I didn’t want to live my life like that. I discovered that more of what I wanted, didn’t make me happy. But I had to discover that for myself by diving deeply into it. Doing exactly what we want might lead us to realise ‘this isn’t it’! But underneath there will be a deeper truth. A hidden treasure.
Idling, is different from just doing nothing. When the car is idling in neutral it is ready to go. It is not in drive. It is not forging ahead. But neither is it switched off. We have to develop this quality within ourselves of relaxed alertness, if we are to listen to what our heart is saying, and find our true passion.
I have been a meditator for some time now, and it has long been my intention to develop the quality known as ‘calm abiding’. This is where we relax in full awareness, without too much mental ‘noise’. When I was stressed and had a very busy mind, I couldn’t imagine anything more peaceful than ‘calm-abiding’. So I chose that state of ‘being’ as my ‘goal’.
I have just returned from a beautiful walk in which I had an exquisite experience of being. My mind was still and I was able to absorb, and receive, the ‘life’ of the forest. This is my measure of ’success’. This is my passion. This is what I love. This is wealth to me. It is what I want to live, and teach. (I’m so passionate about this I want to get into Soul Astrology and explain how it can guide us, but I have to remember this is a blog, not a book, so I’ll save that for another post!)
I’m not always in this space but each time I get pulled off-course is a lesson in how to get back, and that deepens my knowing and develops my skill. Where does the money come in? I attract clients who are also searching for the same thing. We learn and develop together. I get paid for literally ‘being’ with them, in whatever way is most beneficial to them: coaching, teaching, listening etc. When I returned from my walk there was a cheque in the post. It was almost as if Life itself was saying yes. You’re n the right path. It was even the right path when I was on the couch… I just had to have that experience of the extreme so I could refine the Art of Idling and discover there are benefits in there if applied appropriately!
Exercise for Discovering What You Love
Now idling doesn’t do it for everybody. I used my path as an illustration. So what about you. What do you love? How can you find out? An exercise I often use with my clients is to take every negative label that others have thrown at you, and ask yourself: “In what context would this actually be a good thing?” What seems ‘wrong’ in one situation, will be necessary in another. If you are suffering rom stress and burnout, being ‘idle’ for a while could save your life.
Every strength is a weakness if applied inappropriately, and every weakness becomes a strength when applied appropriately in the ‘right’ context. So if you don’t know what you love, you could do worse than begin looking at what others criticise you for. You might just find your hidden treasure!
Enjoy yourself,
Ruth Hadikin
Ruth (the lazy person’s couch coach!) :0)
Ruth Hadikin offers Personal Development Coaching with Soul Astrology. She is based in Scotland, UK. She is co-facilitating a weight-loss course in Inverness during October. For details email Ruth@dreamcoach.co.uk and put ‘weight loss’ in the subject header.
Ruth is an Associate of Conscious Journey.
